25th Hour - Chapter 1
This is the first chapter of my serial novel, "25th Hour," with discussion points and advice on how to rewrite this scene.
I looked at my watch. It was one minute to midnight. My heartbeat grew louder and thumped in a rhythm of dread. The street lights at the end of the road began to pop one by one as a wild wind whistled past my ear. Within seconds, the last street light died and darkness forced itself upon the world; it was only stopped from total dominance by a meek moon. After that, there was silence. I knew what was coming. About twenty paces from where I stood, a blue circle of light exploded at the precise moment the two hands on my watch pointed to twelve; they wouldn’t move again for another hour.
Through the light came a giant lizard-like foot with three claws as sharp and jagged as serrated knives. Aside from the growling of this beast, the only noise came from the rush of blood in my ears caused by the surge of adrenalin which shot through my veins. It was the 25th hour. It was just me and the beasts that came from Abhorrosen. It was my job as a warden to protect the world from these monsters. The special watch I’d been given allowed me to enter the 25th hour, but it was my strength, powers and courage that would help me survive. Another foot stepped through. I tensed but focused, remembering what I’d been told; Jackson’s croaky voice echoed in my mind:
“Beware of the Panthregals. They’re vicious and brutal creatures, with teeth like razors and scales as tough as steel. But they have one weakness: their vision. They can’t see you unless you’re scared.”
If I was going to survive the next hour, I’d have to control my nerves.
I slowed my breath. In and out. Deep and steady.
The Panthregal had now fully emerged from the light and was beginning to creep down the street towards me. It was covered in pitch-black scales, rusted in places, with red scars winding over its body—wounds from previous battles. Its nostrils twitched as it sniffed the night air and then those ferociously white eyes, which lit the dark, glared right at me. My heart leapt once more. It saw me. It saw my fear. It scurried forward, fast and hungrily, drool slobbering around its teeth and claws tearing ruts in the tarmac. There was no point in running. I wouldn’t make it two strides before it caught me. There was only one option. I closed my eyes and accepted my fate.
The Panthregal stopped inches away from me. It sniffed again and when I opened my eyes, its rancid, warm breath blew onto my face. But I was now invisible to this beast. In accepting death, I’d quelled my fear.
Confused, it whipped its head left then right, searching for its prey—searching for me. For a moment, I thought I’d won. I thought this mission would be simple now. If this monster couldn’t see me, then killing it would be easy. But nothing is ever that easy in the 25th hour. Moments later, the beast hunched its back and turned to face the other way. It was looking towards a house at the end of the street. Through the dim moonlight, I could just about make out what it was staring at. There, in a doorway, a small boy wearing Paw Patrol pyjamas stumbled out into the night.
How was this possible? No one else existed during the 25th hour. No one except wardens like me.
The young boy was stiff and frozen with fear. The Panthregal had found new prey. A long tongue slithered out and it licked away the drool. Then, menacingly, it prowled towards the boy.
I had to think fast.
I shouted and called to get the beast’s attention, but it was too focused on the boy to care about me. I looked around for a weapon. Nothing. I wasn’t quite ready for this, but I was out of options. I had no choice. So I clenched my fists until it felt like my fingers would break. My hands shook as the power inside grew. I gripped harder, holding it in. Shards of red light burst through the cracks either side of my fingers. ‘Hold it,’ I told myself. ‘Hold it!’ The Panthregal was almost ready to pounce. I just needed a bit more power. A few more seconds. ‘Hold it!’
As the beast leapt at the boy, I thrust my hands forward, releasing a burst of flames which shot down the street towards the Panthregal. Before it struck, the creature swung to the left, dodging the fireball which exploded at the foot of a streetlight.
I’d missed.
The boy had no chance now.
I stood there, helpless and pathetic, staring forward and waiting for the horror to begin. But then the strangest thing occurred. The Panthregal twitched, shook, and released a blood-curdling squawk before exploding in a flash of white that blinded me for a second or two. As my vision cleared, I saw a thick, grey smoke where the beast had stood moments before. Slowly, the smoke twirled up and disappeared into the night, leaving nothing but a smattering of ash which lay on the street. When my eyes had fully adjusted to the dark, I saw something else: a girl. She was stood in an attack-like pose with her hands clasped together and held out before her.
I was dumbstruck. She stood upright and pulled back her hood, revealing long black dreadlocks which were braided tightly over her head. Once I’d managed to swallow my shock, I moved forward. She must be a warden, too.
As I got closer, I realised how small she was. She barely reached my shoulders. Her pale skin shone in the moonlight, smooth and unscathed, as if nothing had ever come close enough to harm her. I noticed the watch she wore too. It was similar to mine.
“Y’alright, mate?” she asked.
I stuttered my reply. “Y-yeah. I-I suppose.” I looked down at the ash beneath my feet, the ash that had once been the Panthregal.
“Something wrong?” she continued.
“No. I’m good,” I said as I approached her. “Who are you?”
She pressed her lips together, as if shutting away the answer. Then, she flicked her eyes towards the boy. “That’s my brother. What’s it to you?”
“I thought I was the only warden around here.”
She laughed, “Nah, mate. You’re the new boy in town.”
This wasn’t what Jackson had told me. He’d said it was up to me. He’d said it was my job to make sure these beasts didn’t hurt anyone. Jackson had spoken of others but always in the past tense. It was as if they were dead and buried.
The fear that had frozen the small boy melted away as he dived towards his sister, almost knocking her to the ground. She smiled and kissed the top of his head. The boy clung to her side, nestling his soft brown hair into her chest as he turned to face me. “You missed,” he muttered.
“Yeah, sorry about that. I’m still getting used to my powers and I was scared I might hit you.”
“My sister never misses. Ain’t that right?” he said, nudging her with a sharp elbow.
She spoke firmly, “You ain’t wrong, but you also ain’t meant to be out at this time, Jay. You know that.”
The boy gulped, the tips of his ears blushing a deep red.
She held out her hand, as if waiting for him to give her something. “Hand over the watch and get back to bed, buddy,” she demanded.
Sheepishly, the boy pulled the watch off his wrist and rushed back towards the house. He stopped before he entered. “Will you come and tuck me in?” he pleaded.
A smile returned to the girl's face and she nodded. Then, she waited, making sure he was gone before she spoke again. “You better introduce yourself then.”
“I’m Kayne. Who are you?”
She cut me off. “I’m asking the questions here. Now, who sent you?”
I wondered what to do: be honest or lie? I chose the truth. “Jackson sent me.”
Her face dropped. “Jackson?” she barked. “As in Dandruff-Jackson? Four-Eyes-Jackson? Stinking-Old-Boy-Jackson?”
I edged backwards as she spat the last of her words. “I’m not sure what your problem is,” I replied, trying my best to stay calm, “but the Jackson I’m talking about is my mentor. He’s a good man.”
“Ha!” she boomed. “You don’t know the half of it. That creep ain’t got a good bone in his rotten, old body. What’s the matter with you? You stupid or somethin’”
I felt a rage rise in me. Who was she to judge me? “What are you saying?” I asked.
She smiled, although it was more of a half-grin, half-sneer. “Are you ready for the truth?”
…to be continued
DISCUSSION POINTS:
These questions should help foster a deeper understanding of the text and stimulate an engaging discussion about the characters, themes, and events in the story.
What is the importance of the 25th hour in this story?
Discuss how the 25th hour is different from regular time and what it means for the characters.
How does the main character, Kayne, manage to survive the encounter with the Panthregal?
Explore the strategies Kayne uses to face his fear and the advice given by Jackson.
What role does fear play in the Panthregal's ability to hunt its prey?
Talk about how the Panthregal detects fear and why controlling fear is crucial for survival.
What is your impression of the mysterious girl and her relationship with her brother?
Discuss the girl’s actions, her protectiveness over her brother, and her abilities as a warden.
How does Kayne react when he misses his shot at the Panthregal and what does this reveal about his character?
Consider Kayne's emotions, his sense of responsibility, and his determination to protect the boy.
What might the girl's reaction to Jackson suggest about his character and past actions?
Explore the girl’s harsh words about Jackson and how they might affect Kayne’s perception of his mentor.
Rewrite the Story: A Fun Creative Exercise
This guide helps parents encourage their children to have fun and be creative while rewriting the story.
1) Understand the Original
Read Together: Read the story and discuss the main characters, setting, and plot. Use the discussion points above to achieve this.
2) Brainstorm Changes
Beasts: Come up with your own beast. Give it a name. You might also want to have a go at drawing it first. If you’re stuck, use AI programs like ‘midjourney’ to design beasts for you, or simply have a look on Google for inspiration.
Setting: You can set the story in a street like I did, but you could also change it to a farm or a forest. Choose a setting you are confident you can describe.
Superpower: In my story, Kayne was able to build a fireball in his hands, but what superpower do you want to give Kayne?
3) Plan
You can either come up with your own 3 sentence plan or use the one below as a basis for your writing. It might be worth revisting my post about The Trinity Rule to understand this.
THE 3 SENTENCE PLAN:
I waited for the beast to arrive.
It arrived and attacked me.
It was defeated by me/someone else.
4) Write the New Story
Draft: Write the first draft based on the outline.
Revise: Review and improve the draft together.
5) Share and Celebrate
Read Aloud: Share the new story with family and friends.
Illustrate: Draw pictures to go along with the story.